Tell me why do you hurt so much lemme wipe your tears help you conquer your fears and calm thus raging storm you’re living through that would eventually break a heart so fragile yet so beautiful

She was hurricane,I was a thunder storm we looked good together but couldn’t last forever

Too much chaos,too much destruction

She avoids deep thoughts like an empty restaurant not out of stupidity ,but a canny resolve to be happy I want her to hold me,but I am afraid I will miss being alone

My mother say I have the oceans soul,I want everything but nothing in harmony I am chaos

It’s her wildness that bewildered me let alone her beauty I stayed up all night deep in fantasy of all the twisted things we could be upto on a lonely road along the south in our rusty Ford fiesta

She says she wants to get to know me better cause am shrouded in the mystery like the depths of the Pacific

Am incapable of making her understand the she knows more about me than I know about myself

She was beautifully out of place sometimes I believe she intended to be like the moon during the day


21st September.


They say the most loving of hearts could light up the loneliest souls. We’ve all been lost at some point. Well dark voids were home to lonely boys like me till the kindest person gave me another home.

1999 – Xavier Santana Njeri


Here is to the girl who’s not perfect. Here’s to the girl who doesn’t try to be perfect. Here’s to the girl who okay with who she is. The one person who really understands its okay to not be okay. And she’s not ashamed of it. The one girl who’s gone through a lot and kept it all to herself. Not because she doesn’t have anyone to talk to but because she won’t bother others with her problems. I know you’ll read this. Now I understand why you’re always so kind to those children in town when it’s so hard for me to even talk to them.

Here is to the one person I’ll talk to about anything without judging. Here’s to the person who will give you advice on random stupid things. Here is to the girl who will call you names to make you feel better completely oblivious of what’s wrong in the first place. The person that will always be there for you. The one who will understand what you’re feeling when you cant even say it. Here is to the laughs. We’ve not cried together but still, here is to the tears. Here is to the Most important person in my life right now. No wait, scratch that. Here is to the most important person in my life for the rest of my life. Here is to my Best Friend. Happy 18th Birthday Best Friend. I Love You you stupid cow.

Continue reading “21st September.”


P.s The following should not be taken literally in any way. It’s completely metaphorical.

If I was conscious I’d be cold, I’d be her king but at the same time the executioner. I’d rule and be noble but at the same time be a dictator. I’d wake up every day with a smile and still push you away. I’d buy you candy then poison you. I’d drop you off then run you over. I’d pick you up then kidnap you. I’d set you free only to shoot you in the back. And when it’s all over I’d kneel next to you,lean in and tell you that it’ll be okay. That you’ll be in a better place. And even if you’ll be gone, at least I’ll know you’ll never be with anyone else. And you’ll tell me you despise me even as the saliva dries up in your mouth, even as every word you say takes away a second from that minute you have till you bleed out. And at the very last breath you’ll tell me you still love me, because that’s what you are. Because that’s who you are, an angel. A most loving heart, a most understanding mind, a most pure soul, my only one. The only one I ever loved, the only one who cared,the only one who stayed when all others stayed away. And at that moment after you’re gone it’ll burn through my soul and it’ll be quiet and I’ll say to myself “Goodbye bitch, I’ll always love you.”

Where are we headed to as Kenyans .

First this is stolen so it’s not my own .

Being Kenyan disturbs me. To live in a country where our soldiers are killed, yet the government won’t tell us how many we lost. To live in a country where people hang on to the misconception that all terrorists are Muslims, yet the three bodies that were brought in today were all Muslim soldiers. To live in a country where we are divided by our tribal backgrounds,all credit to our leaders, who dont give two sheets about the rest of us, as all they see are potential votes. To live in a country where inter-community clashes divide us further. To live in a country whose most notable improvement is going up the charts of corruption internationally. To live in a country where my president can only ask, what we want from him to deal with this corruption scourge. To live in a country where the opposition can only speculate and point fingers, no solutions offered. 

It disturbs me. 
To live in a country where more effort is centred on enlisting voters than to improve our education sector. Where building a Standard Gauge Railway is of more importance than paying doctors who are on strike. To live in a country where the lecturers I need to instill relevant education in me when I join campus later this year, are also on strike. To live in a country where officials representing our athletics pride, would rather hide uniforms in his house. To live in a country where our taps are dry, yet the government was made aware of the oncoming drought atleast four months prior. 

It disturbs me even more. 

That it’s election year. And chances are, we will elect the same  dead beat leaders, and continue on this forsaken path. That children yet unborn will suffer due to our choices made today. It disturbs me that an eighteen year old can see all this, yet most of us turn a blind eye to all this, as we are “comfortable “.
Dear Kenyan, you too, should be disturbed.


I do remember a time when chapati   and kuku   was the real deal. Who cared about adding a little bit weight. It was the time of the year when all local shops were overstocked with eno   sachets.  Soda    was in plenty.  If you can remember the  softa sodas   and ksl     confectionery then your childhood was awesome. When real Christmas was spent in shagz, up country, having a barbeque with the uncles. When you’d hear the bicycle bell ring a distance away and you’d know the photographer had arrived. It was even better when it rained on the way up country and you’d have to push the car in the mud. It’s nostalgic. 


I’m not a connoisseur on anthropomorphic beings and their nature. What I can apprise you off is just austere brass tacks. Just what a bush leager can tell you. 

I’m not an expert on human beings’ nature.  What I can tell you is just basic facts. Just what a layman can tell you. 

Don’t wonder, that shit ain’t any part of this. I just wanted to prove a point. Human beings try. It’s our nature to. We probably try because everyone is trying, because we don’t want to look like of the ancient,unfashionable bunch living in the diaspora, because we probably think it’s cool and all. Some of us can’t take a picture with a straight face on. Do you remember how high school chapatis used to look like? You don’t have to you’re beautiful, you’re handsome, you know it, I know it, someone else knows it too. Don’t get yourself wrinkled up too soon just to impress someone. 

It took me several minutes to look up those words in a dictionary relate them to layman’s language. But why such complexity when I can write a simple piece much to the delight of a passionate reader or a ridiculously bored one just browsing for something to read? I could have spared myself the struggle plus the minutes and added a few more lines to this article. You who has to look perfect tonight because you’re really want to impress him, can spare yourself the few minutes and avoid getting late for that dinner date or appointment and end up impressing him. You who has to have the perfect body, can spare yourself the energy and avoid that fatigue and still have a fine booty.

Listen to Try by Colbie Caillat. It gives me some inspiration. Here’s a part of the lyrics 

“Wait a second,

Why should you care, what they think of you

When you’re all alone, by yourself

Do you like you? Do you like you?

You don’t have to try so hard

You don’t have to give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don’t have to change a single thing

You don’t have to try so hard

You don’t have to bend until you break

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don’t have to change a single thing “