All I Know Are Sad Songs

….I cut them all loose and work’s my excuse but the truth is i can’t open up

What hurts the most isn’t letting go, It’s realising how long you held on to something that wasn’t real.

….hold on to me cause i’m a little unsteady

Now we’re slipping at the edge holding something we don’t need, So come on let it go, Just let it be.

….these shallow waters never met what I needed,I’m letting go a deeper dive

I used to recognize myself, It’s funny how reflections change, When we’re becoming something else, I think it’s time to walk away.

….it hurts me every time i see you, realize how much i need you, i hate you i love you

I knew I loved you then but you’d never know, cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting you go.

….once upon a time you were my everything, it’s crazy to see that time hasn’t changed a thing.

Maybe one day i can see you we can  smile and wave and it’ll be okay Maybe one day it’ll be cool, we can just be friends without the complications that it brings when we start saying things.

….there’s something about you that just makes me wanna try again,you just can’t be replaced

I couldn’t find a day I didn’t feel alone, I never meant to cry, started losing hope, But somehow baby, You broke through and saved me.

….and she smiles, oh the way she smiles

See, growing up I always felt like I had to be the best at everything, Cause I just didn’t think I was good enough. And maybe if I was good at something, that I’d get recognition from that, but I quickly realised that I wasn’t going to get the recognition that I wanted or that I needed.

….there’s something you don’t know you do that makes me feel my feels for you

And I’m not gonna tell you that I’m over it, because I think about it every night I’m not sober, and I know I keep these feelings to myself Like I don’t need nobody else.

….in the arms of a stranger, pretending it’s love

I’m out on the edge and I’m screaming my name,Like a fool at the top of my lungs, Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I’m alright,But it’s never enough.

….i’m aware that it’s mistake if I love you,It’s a mistake if I don’t

Saw you the other day. You look happier, my friends told me one day I’ll feel it too.But until then I’ll smile to hide the truth, But I know I was happier with you.

….i’m committed, not addicted but it keep controlling me, all that pain, now I can’t feel it

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SLEEPLESS NIGHTS.

FRENEMY

You could Love just as easily as you could hate,
Love could break you just as easily as hate could pain you
Love could make you jealous just as hate could
Love could be soothing, make you see the good in a person, make you feel better, show you what kindness is, just as hate could show you what kind of person one is, what darkness is held in their souls, how it could be surprisingly soothing to never talk to one ever again.
Love could be another reason why, just as hate could be another reason why.

Another Reason Why

Pretty lean
The thought of you,
And I could be High on Codeine

Don’t leave
Just The sight of you walking away,
And I’ll be on a high dose of morphine

Just stay by me
Then,
You wont be another reason why

Subliminal

P.s The following should not be taken literally in any way. It’s completely metaphorical.

If I was conscious I’d be cold, I’d be her king but at the same time the executioner. I’d rule and be noble but at the same time be a dictator. I’d wake up every day with a smile and still push you away. I’d buy you candy then poison you. I’d drop you off then run you over. I’d pick you up then kidnap you. I’d set you free only to shoot you in the back. And when it’s all over I’d kneel next to you,lean in and tell you that it’ll be okay. That you’ll be in a better place. And even if you’ll be gone, at least I’ll know you’ll never be with anyone else. And you’ll tell me you despise me even as the saliva dries up in your mouth, even as every word you say takes away a second from that minute you have till you bleed out. And at the very last breath you’ll tell me you still love me, because that’s what you are. Because that’s who you are, an angel. A most loving heart, a most understanding mind, a most pure soul, my only one. The only one I ever loved, the only one who cared,the only one who stayed when all others stayed away. And at that moment after you’re gone it’ll burn through my soul and it’ll be quiet and I’ll say to myself “Goodbye bitch, I’ll always love you.”

Into The Deep

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He rummaged through her soul. Made of dark scars and a Pure heart he loved. Pain that knows joy escalating through her deepest fears. Love that knows peace brought out with a spice of chaste.Haste was always his chase. And his pace killed their space. He always thought it made a change so did the rest. The impact was great but they will always blame fate. He loved her from what he thought was innocence, clean to his face with a little humour mixed in her phase.

 She thought he was funny, with a little of style crowned with sass. It felt like running knowing you will still win. With his deep scars that bleed through her heart.. She was in love. He cast his cares and Cries every time it dawned a new. He had found comfort so he made her his home. She had her heart in a crib. She feed his afflictions with good grace and soothed through his taint. She engraved his scars and brought his face to the light. She was a slave of her emotions. He had changed.. He was just as good as fresh steak from the grill. His life was no longer an echo.Every fear he faced came back to retrieve his strength. He had made her his goddess truly.

She, was she the good girl who walked through confetti all her life and shone like the galaxy through space? She was wild at heart and mild at act. Her life was chaos but it never restricted her care. She passed through fire.We could say that’s what made her fierce. Her pain shone upon her smile. Like the Amazon, you would just get lost from one of her phase. She was great in her own eyes but faint Through  their faces. She was the light that shone upon darkness. She was a river in which he lay his burdens down. But a river could have a stream, she was a river made of streams Streams that drew bliss away from her soul. But somehow her stream of joy never ran dry. You could call her pain gold. For she shone through every shade. She made him only see a peak of her scars, he never craved her pain. After a snake bite people suck the poison out but it seemed like he didn’t even know there are snakes and maybe he thought poison was some sugar.But she always made it her sugar such that the rash was just motivation 👣. With the season becoming long some of her waters dried. Clearly she did not want scars on bear land and ugly land marks. So she prayed that radiation crave her waters. Soon enough she became a river that was once before. He craved the waters back but they were long gone. His pain aged as her face changed 🌼She had become a piece of land with golden tulips to its fence ❄. He had awakened her ghost which were Chasing after his shade. To hide the shame, she swayed away from the hurt and made a cuff to her heart. She is beautiful.she became a garden drawing water from her source.

She found him. The waters for which her plants crave.He replenished his water all day. He became her source and she became his day 1.He Brought light upon her burn. He made her glow . And she grows everyday ☀. She is sunshine that will shine on his bed every Morning 🌻.

~By Wangechi ~

WHEN LOVE HURTS THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW IT’S REAL

The fault in our stars,one of the movies I’ve watched and questioned my threshold for feelings as a guy. It’s not normal to find a guy sobbing because of some stupid,shitty,crappy,cute,super emotional storyline. But maybe it just shows you’re vulnerable to pain, to emotion, to love, to everything. Well i felt like watching it all over again but I couldn’t risk finding out how many lines(written by some scriptwriter somewhere earning thousands)it  took to….Well you know… So I thought of reading the book instead and it became my favourite book. I’ve read it a couple of times already. The one thing i learnt from this book is that Pain demands to be felt. You will shut yourself from the world, from love and anger and drown your sorrows in booze but you will never shut away pain. It’s the reason you’re shutting yourself from the world in the first place, it’s the reason you’re drowning your sorrows in drugs. It demands to be felt and it will take you down when you ignore it.

The most painful thing is seeing someone you love happy with someone else, knowing there’s someone who can make them happier than you do, knowing there’s someone who could easily replace you when you’re trying your best. But do you know what is equally painful? It’s knowing that there’s someone who can make you happier than the one you’re in love with. I mean yes you’re in love but they don’t make you as happy as the other person. And then you’re caught up between love and happiness. But ask yourself is it really love if there isn’t happiness? And would you be happy if there isn’t love? Now you’re caught up between a free fall 5000 metres and an overdose on Cocaine or whatever drug will kill you. Does the pain matter? You’ll die either way. 

Let’s name these two. So there’s Person A who you love but doesn’t make you as happy as Person B. You’re putting too much effort to make person A happy but it’s like it’s not enough for them. The time you spend is just casual no fun. Then there’s Person B who makes you happy without even trying. You feel free with them, they know you love someone else but they still stick around and make you the happiest they can and you feel really special. You’re in love but you have a broken heart torn apart by yourself. Then you start thinking maybe Person A is just with you because they don’t want to break your heart and see you shattered. They don’t want to be responsible for your heart break,they don’t want to carry the guilt. But they’ve already broken your heart. If you thought about anyone as you read this then you’ll understand me when i say that Pain demands to be felt.