21st September.

 

They say the most loving of hearts could light up the loneliest souls. We’ve all been lost at some point. Well dark voids were home to lonely boys like me till the kindest person gave me another home.

1999 – Xavier Santana Njeri

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Here is to the girl who’s not perfect. Here’s to the girl who doesn’t try to be perfect. Here’s to the girl who okay with who she is. The one person who really understands its okay to not be okay. And she’s not ashamed of it. The one girl who’s gone through a lot and kept it all to herself. Not because she doesn’t have anyone to talk to but because she won’t bother others with her problems. I know you’ll read this. Now I understand why you’re always so kind to those children in town when it’s so hard for me to even talk to them.

Here is to the one person I’ll talk to about anything without judging. Here’s to the person who will give you advice on random stupid things. Here is to the girl who will call you names to make you feel better completely oblivious of what’s wrong in the first place. The person that will always be there for you. The one who will understand what you’re feeling when you cant even say it. Here is to the laughs. We’ve not cried together but still, here is to the tears. Here is to the Most important person in my life right now. No wait, scratch that. Here is to the most important person in my life for the rest of my life. Here is to my Best Friend. Happy 18th Birthday Best Friend. I Love You you stupid cow.

Continue reading “21st September.”

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All I Know Are Sad Songs

….I cut them all loose and work’s my excuse but the truth is i can’t open up

What hurts the most isn’t letting go, It’s realising how long you held on to something that wasn’t real.

….hold on to me cause i’m a little unsteady

Now we’re slipping at the edge holding something we don’t need, So come on let it go, Just let it be.

….these shallow waters never met what I needed,I’m letting go a deeper dive

I used to recognize myself, It’s funny how reflections change, When we’re becoming something else, I think it’s time to walk away.

….it hurts me every time i see you, realize how much i need you, i hate you i love you

I knew I loved you then but you’d never know, cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting you go.

….once upon a time you were my everything, it’s crazy to see that time hasn’t changed a thing.

Maybe one day i can see you we can  smile and wave and it’ll be okay Maybe one day it’ll be cool, we can just be friends without the complications that it brings when we start saying things.

….there’s something about you that just makes me wanna try again,you just can’t be replaced

I couldn’t find a day I didn’t feel alone, I never meant to cry, started losing hope, But somehow baby, You broke through and saved me.

….and she smiles, oh the way she smiles

See, growing up I always felt like I had to be the best at everything, Cause I just didn’t think I was good enough. And maybe if I was good at something, that I’d get recognition from that, but I quickly realised that I wasn’t going to get the recognition that I wanted or that I needed.

….there’s something you don’t know you do that makes me feel my feels for you

And I’m not gonna tell you that I’m over it, because I think about it every night I’m not sober, and I know I keep these feelings to myself Like I don’t need nobody else.

….in the arms of a stranger, pretending it’s love

I’m out on the edge and I’m screaming my name,Like a fool at the top of my lungs, Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I’m alright,But it’s never enough.

….i’m aware that it’s mistake if I love you,It’s a mistake if I don’t

Saw you the other day. You look happier, my friends told me one day I’ll feel it too.But until then I’ll smile to hide the truth, But I know I was happier with you.

….i’m committed, not addicted but it keep controlling me, all that pain, now I can’t feel it


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FRENEMY

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You could Love just as easily as you could hate,
Love could break you just as easily as hate could pain you
Love could make you jealous just as hate could
Love could be soothing, make you see the good in a person, make you feel better, show you what kindness is, just as hate could show you what kind of person one is, what darkness is held in their souls, how it could be surprisingly soothing to never talk to one ever again.
Love could be another reason why, just as hate could be another reason why.

The Mirror

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At the corner of my room there’s a glass. It’s special because unlike that one on my window, I can see my reflection in it. I guess you could call it a mirror. Sometimes when I stand before it I can see myself, like right now. Handsome, you can picture that. But there are times I can’t really see myself. All I see is the blurry image of a lost cause, a stray soul. Last week for example. I arrived home quite late and as I was changing I could feel a chill inside me as I stared at the mirror. There was no me. No handsome face, just a lean silhouette figure. There was darkness inside me. My eyes were empty. *not literary. I heard my mother’s voice calling me from a distance. She wasn’t really that far, I’d just drifted off to another world of my own further away. I ignored her, “I’m tired today she can do the chores herself”

Just then the image turned darker. I realised what was really happening. I was not the sweet little kid anymore. I was not the innocent and harmless mama’s boy. I was someone else, rebellious, proud, self-centered. “Maybe I should be good today and help out,” I thought to myself . Then there was a flicker of light in my eyes. They were not so empty anymore. I felt better, composed. I wasn’t a lost cause after all.

Well, lesson learnt. Even at the darkest of times there’s always that spark in you. You just have to ignite and let it shine. A mirror never lies, it’ll show you the fairest of them all, it’ll show you the scars and the flaws, and your grace even when you don’t know your beautiful.