7th Degree

I am drunk.You couldn’t be farther from my state too.

Intoxicated by brew, drunk on my own thoughts.

Will it burn you up till you can’t keep it inside?

It’s a matter of choice really, what your endpoint is.

If you could see me now,

I still look for your face in the crowd,

There are days I’m losing my faith.

The walls kept tumbling down,

And when I close my eyes,

It almost feels like nothing’s changed.

I won’t let these little things slip out of my mind,

But when they do, they all add up to you.

I’m drunk, again.

This is another trail,

My last attempt.

I’ve tried harder, I kind of figured it out.

This will be my last post because when hearts don’t break even, you’ll find there’s a seventh degree. So long to anyone who reads my posts.

A few loses won,

A few wins lost,

If we’ve walked this road together,

Till forever on.


I’m drunk

You’re the fear, I don’t care
Because I’ve never been so high
Follow me to the dark
Let me take you past our satellites
You can see the world you brought to life.

I am drunk.You couldn’t be farther from my state too.

Intoxicated by brew, drunk on my own thoughts.

Will it burn you up till you can’t keep it inside?

It’s a matter of choice really, what your endpoint is.

It’s a trial.

No matter how many times I try, I can’t figure it out.


I used to drink for the ones I’d lost, now I drink for the ones who stayed, the ones I have. For the longest time I found solace inside the walls of a painful realm. A realm of sorrow, a happy place. A realm of guilt, an innocent place. A realm filled with hatred, a place to love the most , for you can only hate that which you can love, you can only find guilt in that which was once innocent, only sorrow in the happiest of people. Those four walls have changed the way I feel, running from myself.

The skies are blue but the thunder rages on high. What’s the day without a little night?

A Little Ways Down The Road.

I Miss Us.

You took the sun with you,

The long texts, the late night secrets, the laughs, and all the good times.

We don’t say hi no more. 

I tend to live in memories that I’m trying to forget. 

I have spent too much time at war with myself.

I’m Jealous you’re happy without me. 


It’s so hard to walk away from one-sided love, even though sometimes it feels like it’s exactly what you were looking for.

I’m Sorry I was Never Enough.


If Only You Knew

It hurts me every time I see you, Realize how much I need you

If only you knew how much.

How much it hurts to feel, how much it hurts to love, how much it hurts every single night when they can’t get sleep because you are their everything. Because sleep is peace and peace is love and they can’t fall in love without you. It hurts every time they look into your eyes and see their whole world in them. When they see the demons inside you. Those that neither can tame because it’s those that fuel the thrill, the adrenaline. 

If only you knew why.

Why it hurts to feel, why it hurts to love, why it hurts every single day when they have to fight with the urge to tell you about it all. 

The thing is, you’ll never know. Because it only complicates things. Because eventually there’s a saturation point to pain. Eventually one finds comfort in dying inside. They’ll always be happy for you, just so you never find out how much they’re hurting inside.

Would you hold me tight and don’t let go.


21st September.


They say the most loving of hearts could light up the loneliest souls. We’ve all been lost at some point. Well dark voids were home to lonely boys like me till the kindest person gave me another home.

1999 – Xavier Santana Njeri


Here is to the girl who’s not perfect. Here’s to the girl who doesn’t try to be perfect. Here’s to the girl who okay with who she is. The one person who really understands its okay to not be okay. And she’s not ashamed of it. The one girl who’s gone through a lot and kept it all to herself. Not because she doesn’t have anyone to talk to but because she won’t bother others with her problems. I know you’ll read this. Now I understand why you’re always so kind to those children in town when it’s so hard for me to even talk to them.

Here is to the one person I’ll talk to about anything without judging. Here’s to the person who will give you advice on random stupid things. Here is to the girl who will call you names to make you feel better completely oblivious of what’s wrong in the first place. The person that will always be there for you. The one who will understand what you’re feeling when you cant even say it. Here is to the laughs. We’ve not cried together but still, here is to the tears. Here is to the Most important person in my life right now. No wait, scratch that. Here is to the most important person in my life for the rest of my life. Here is to my Best Friend. Happy 18th Birthday Best Friend. I Love You you stupid cow.

Continue reading “21st September.”

All I Know Are Sad Songs

….I cut them all loose and work’s my excuse but the truth is i can’t open up

What hurts the most isn’t letting go, It’s realising how long you held on to something that wasn’t real.

….hold on to me cause i’m a little unsteady

Now we’re slipping at the edge holding something we don’t need, So come on let it go, Just let it be.

….these shallow waters never met what I needed,I’m letting go a deeper dive

I used to recognize myself, It’s funny how reflections change, When we’re becoming something else, I think it’s time to walk away.

….it hurts me every time i see you, realize how much i need you, i hate you i love you

I knew I loved you then but you’d never know, cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting you go.

….once upon a time you were my everything, it’s crazy to see that time hasn’t changed a thing.

Maybe one day i can see you we can  smile and wave and it’ll be okay Maybe one day it’ll be cool, we can just be friends without the complications that it brings when we start saying things.

….there’s something about you that just makes me wanna try again,you just can’t be replaced

I couldn’t find a day I didn’t feel alone, I never meant to cry, started losing hope, But somehow baby, You broke through and saved me.

….and she smiles, oh the way she smiles

See, growing up I always felt like I had to be the best at everything, Cause I just didn’t think I was good enough. And maybe if I was good at something, that I’d get recognition from that, but I quickly realised that I wasn’t going to get the recognition that I wanted or that I needed.

….there’s something you don’t know you do that makes me feel my feels for you

And I’m not gonna tell you that I’m over it, because I think about it every night I’m not sober, and I know I keep these feelings to myself Like I don’t need nobody else.

….in the arms of a stranger, pretending it’s love

I’m out on the edge and I’m screaming my name,Like a fool at the top of my lungs, Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I’m alright,But it’s never enough.

….i’m aware that it’s mistake if I love you,It’s a mistake if I don’t

Saw you the other day. You look happier, my friends told me one day I’ll feel it too.But until then I’ll smile to hide the truth, But I know I was happier with you.

….i’m committed, not addicted but it keep controlling me, all that pain, now I can’t feel it