The fault in our stars,one of the movies I’ve watched and questioned my threshold for feelings as a guy. It’s not normal to find a guy sobbing because of some stupid,shitty,crappy,cute,super emotional storyline. But maybe it just shows you’re vulnerable to pain, to emotion, to love, to everything. Well i felt like watching it all over again but I couldn’t risk finding out how many lines(written by some scriptwriter somewhere earning thousands)it  took to….Well you know… So I thought of reading the book instead and it became my favourite book. I’ve read it a couple of times already. The one thing i learnt from this book is that Pain demands to be felt. You will shut yourself from the world, from love and anger and drown your sorrows in booze but you will never shut away pain. It’s the reason you’re shutting yourself from the world in the first place, it’s the reason you’re drowning your sorrows in drugs. It demands to be felt and it will take you down when you ignore it.

The most painful thing is seeing someone you love happy with someone else, knowing there’s someone who can make them happier than you do, knowing there’s someone who could easily replace you when you’re trying your best. But do you know what is equally painful? It’s knowing that there’s someone who can make you happier than the one you’re in love with. I mean yes you’re in love but they don’t make you as happy as the other person. And then you’re caught up between love and happiness. But ask yourself is it really love if there isn’t happiness? And would you be happy if there isn’t love? Now you’re caught up between a free fall 5000 metres and an overdose on Cocaine or whatever drug will kill you. Does the pain matter? You’ll die either way. 

Let’s name these two. So there’s Person A who you love but doesn’t make you as happy as Person B. You’re putting too much effort to make person A happy but it’s like it’s not enough for them. The time you spend is just casual no fun. Then there’s Person B who makes you happy without even trying. You feel free with them, they know you love someone else but they still stick around and make you the happiest they can and you feel really special. You’re in love but you have a broken heart torn apart by yourself. Then you start thinking maybe Person A is just with you because they don’t want to break your heart and see you shattered. They don’t want to be responsible for your heart break,they don’t want to carry the guilt. But they’ve already broken your heart. If you thought about anyone as you read this then you’ll understand me when i say that Pain demands to be felt.




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